Movies Can Change Your Mind
A little boy came to see me recently. He is one of those children who seem to be constantly ramped up. When they begin to get tired, these children pour on the adrenalin. It is as if a state of rest feels dangerous to them; they must be ever vigilant.
I often begin my sessions by handing children (ages 5 -10) a “magic wand.”
“Make a wish,” I say. Sometimes, I give examples. “It could be something you’d like to do, or to do more easily – like to sleep better,” I offer.
I am surprised at how quickly this five year-old jumps at that idea.
“My dreams are in my pillow,” he says, “and I watch them all night.”
What’s in his pillow is pretty scary stuff. Being chased. Fighting. The characters seem to be primarily monsters and super villains he’s seen in videos.
Do you remember your first nightmares? I do. I’m driving a convertible full of cartoon characters – Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Cruella de Vil, all hanging out the sides – too fast - and I don’t know how to drive. It’s terrifying!
Or – I’m lying down on the sand and all these little people are tying me down by the hairs on my body. My breath still stops when I think of it.
I know now that my first nightmare was courtesy of 101 Dalmations, with some Loony Tunes thrown in. The second was the gift of Gulliver’s Travels (remember Gulliver’s introduction to the Lilliputians?)
Movie images are overwhelming for young children. We are so inured to fear and violence, we don’t realize how frightening even simple slapstick can be. I remember when my husband wanted to share his holiday memories with his son, and watch Miracle on 34th St. together.Our four year-old started crying when one man yelled and hit another man. We switched to a Kipper video about a little dog playing with a pet guinea pig. Soon our son was giggling at Pig’s Present.
After the session with the five year-old, I mentioned the dreams in the pillow to the boy’s mother, and her eyes got wide. “Maybe we should stop the videos,” she said. She paused. “But he begs for them!”
It’s a really interesting phenomenon, this compulsion toward viewing the things that scare us most. As parents, we can get tricked by it. We think, The kids really want it, in moderation, it’s probably OK.
But it probably isn’t. Our neurology is not designed for constant stress. We are biologically designed to watch scary things with total attention because our survival may depend upon making the right fight/flight/freeze choice. In nature, these scary things are not happening constantly, and when they do, we get some relief afterwards. We cuddle, eat, go back to normal life.
Our neurology is not designed for these scary things to be our normal life.
When we don’t have that time to recover – and when the stress incidences are too plentiful - eventually, the wear and tear starts to break us down. We get sick. We get allergies. We get phobias. We get aches and pains. We bite or hit. We can’t sleep. Our brains are wired by movement; we become what we experience. Especially for children, whose experiences are literally creating the hardware they will carry for life.
I don’t want to minimize the difficulty of kicking the video and video game habit. After all, when kids are watching videos or playing video games, they are quiet! They aren’t breaking things or hitting their siblings. And setting limits can put your rules in conflict with the decisions of other parents. Birthday parties and play dates can create awkward situations.
But in the long term, it pays off. By resetting those survival defaults, you begin to grow a child who can enjoy being calm. A child who can feel an internal need for discipline, who sleeps at night, who can be socially comfortable with other children.
Do lots of movement – running, jumping, climbing, bouncing. Games like Hide and Seek and Tag put stress in a developmentally appropriate context. These kinds of activities naturally tire out the system and help children sleep at night. For parents, holding K-1 points (Under the Volcano), doing the Moro breath (Mirror Neurons VI: Call and Response) and other kinds of reflex integration can help a lot, even in times of tantrum. If the child won’t let you get to them, do these integration movements on yourself. You’ll be surprised at how much integrating your own stress responses can change the atmosphere.
It’s not easy. But it’s worth the effort.
Children may be “ramped up” for many reasons, and media overstimulation is only one of them. Diet, injury, toxins and other factors can all play a role. If dialing down the media doesn’t seem to help - or help enough - seek advice from a professional in the field.
Comments
” It is as if a state of rest feels dangerous to them; they must be ever vigilant.”
I found this statement interesting. Something to look for in our children.
What about the practice of boredom? There is also a lot of pressure on parents to stimulate every moment of their children’s lives. To make every second count in some way. That is not the way I was raised and looking back I am more grateful than not. Grateful for the times I was told to “go out and play”. Out of those boring moments came neighborhood games amongst mixed-age kids.
Nowadays we hold so many fears that prevent this. TV has become a last resort for some.
When do the parents get to relax?
Great article. Everyone understands that watching too much TV, movies, video games, etc. is not beneficial for a child, but then you want them to fit in the society, you want to keep up with the times, and sometimes there is no easy, ready alternatives to come a child down than an hour in front of the screen. I think the root of of the problem lies in urbanization. The more we are going to strive to go back to our roots, like being more outdoors, planting gardens, watching insects, etc., the less stimulation the children will crave.
Julie Goodro Jun 25, 2012
I want to share this with all my preschool parents! Thanks for putting it so well.