‘Tis the Season to (Avoid) Overwhelm

We love to celebrate holidays – birthdays, Christmas, Hanukkah, Halloween, and many others. And, of course, we want to share our celebrations with our babies. We want them to grow up enjoying the same things that give us pleasure. But, developmentally speaking, the concept of a holiday is not really something a baby or toddler understands.  Very young children live in that blessed “now” where everything is already special.

Of course, children are always happy to get new toys or treats. But, for very young children, linking that special thing to a particular time of the year is a dubious proposition. Being quite new to the physical world, without memories of comparable times and seasons, babies don’t understand that a holiday is different from any other day. And for toddlers, that difference can often be overwhelming.

The wonderful thing is that it takes so little to create a celebration for a young child!  Simply sharing a happy time, with a song or a game or a special food creates an impromptu "holiday." But parents often want children to participate in ways that do not really nurture them.  Dressing a baby up in a pumpkin suit for Halloween is cute – and it is not a problem for the baby, as long as the suit isn’t actually uncomfortable – but we need to recognize that we are doing this for ourselves.  The baby has no comprehension or enjoyment of costumes.

First birthday parties can be a trial – and can often lead to disappointment and minor disaster.  Sugary treats can throw off a baby’s equilibrium, and presents and candles and guests can be overstimulating.  It is not infrequent for parties with young children to end in tears – and not only on the part of the child!

Building a sense of celebration can be done in developmentally appropriate ways. Here are some suggestions of ways to share holiday joy with young children.

1. Music.  Sing holiday songs! The child will come to associate the particular time of year and the preparations for the holiday with the music that is special to that time.

2. Stories and games. Most holidays have stories and games associated with them. Or make them up! Counting games on the fingers are especially fun, and most can be adapted with a word or two to a holiday theme.

3. Personal stories. Keep these short and sensory. Bits and pieces of your own remembered childhood can be magical.

4. Special toys that come out for the occasion. 

5. Decorations (that can be seen and experienced, but not eaten!)

6. Baking, cooking, the special holiday foods. Even if the babies can’t eat these things, they will smell them! Every scent is a memory.

If you want to share a holiday with your child, go deeply into the feeling of that holiday.  If you celebrate in a way that accesses your own joy, your child will experience that with you. And as your child grows into your holiday traditions, you will both enjoy a continuing experience of wonder.