Use Your Body: Yes!
In “Use Your Words: Not” we explored some of the reasons kids can’t hear us when they – or we – are operating under stress. Once we reverse the physiological symptoms of stress, we can help children access a calmer state of body and mind – a state in which listening and communicating through language may actually become possible.
When kids are “acting out,” their bodies are probably showing it in a variety of predictable ways. Here are a few common symptoms of those stress responses – as well as some ways to transform them.
Symptom: Shallow Breathing; Release: Deep Breathing. Instead of saying, “Use your words!” say, “One, two, three, BLOW!” A big exhalation creates a vacuum in the respiratory system, and breath rushes in to fill it – all the way down to the diaphragm. When you concentrate on the exhalation, the inhalation takes care of itself. Don’t tell kids to take a deep breath – when they are in stress, they are in shallow breathing mode, and the breath will probably stop at the chest. But blowing out your air is not something you ever do when you are running away from a sabre-tooth tiger! A deep exhalation tells our brain-body system that we are out of danger.
Symptom: Eyes Darting; Release: Centering Vision. When we are in stress, our near-point focus capability nearly disappears (this has real implications for reading!) and our vision moves outward, as we patrol the peripheries for danger. Instead of “Use your words,” you can say, “Watch my hand!” Move your hand in a continuous infinity symbol, or “lazy 8” – up to the left, down and around, up to the right, down and around. This motion will “catch” the child’s brain waves, and bring the visual system back into a coherent focus. If our eyes aren’t looking for danger, we know it is safe to calm down. You can also teach the children to draw their own shapes in the air to follow with their eyes.
Symptom: Tight Calf Muscles; Release: Lengthening Legs. When we are running away, our calf muscles tighten to protect our Achilles’ Tendons (just above the heel, behind the ankle). Instead of “Use your words!” you can say, “Stretch with your heel! Stretch with your toe! Stretch with your heel! Stretch with your toe!” If our calf muscles lengthen, our system knows that the danger must be over. Of course, we need to be in a situation where no child will “accidentally” kick another child! It may be best to do the breathing and the eye movements first.
All For One, and One For All. Never target one child. We are social animals, and a fate worse than death is the humiliation of being singled out in a group. So, even if one child clearly seems to be the perpetrator, have both children – or every child in the group – do the activity together. The children who take the the roles of “victim” and “perpetrator” are more likely to drop those identities. And, as the adult, it is most important for you to do them, too! Being a model, you feel the benefits. When everyone moves together, everyone gets more integrated, and a sense of community can grow. Moving together can turn a potential volcano into a peacefully sleeping mountain.
It is best to practice these little activities first in the clear, as a game. Then, there is no automatic association with “punishment.” And if the kids are used to breaking into “One, Two, Three, Blow!” at random times, they will be more likely comply at a stressful moment – perhaps without even registering why.
For more fun and easy integrative movements for children, check out these titles:
Brain Gym: Teacher’s Edition by Paul Dennison and Gail E. Dennison. Make sure you get the newest edition! This is the original, and highly effective, Brain Gym “alphabet” book.
Smart Moves: Why Learning Is Not All In Your Head by Carla Hannaford. If you are interested in knowing the “why’s” of movement and brain integration, this is your book! Carla covers the physiology of learning in an easy-to-read, yet research-rich format. There is a section that explains some of the Brain Gym Movements.
Hands On: Brain Gym In The Classroom by Isabel Cohen and Marcelle Goldsmith. If you are a teacher – or even if you aren’t – Isabel and Marcelle do a brilliant job of making Brain Gym a highly practical activity. There are also lots of ideas for props, and ways to put the activities in the context of both academics and games.
You can find them all on Amazon through this one link:
There are children for whom, paradoxically, feeling calm makes them more agitated. In a future post, we’ll talk about what is “under the volcano” – and some ways to address it.
Comments
Thanks for the insight, Kathleen. Kids often come up with new names they want to be called, or new spellings . . . I like to just go with them. We adults often get attached to the names we are used to, or the names we gave them, or that we like, and it is an effort to change what we call our kids. But “trying on” other identities can be a good way for kids to do some emotional releasing, feel their own power, experiment with who they want to be. Usually the names don’t last all that long. And we spend so much effort keeping kids safe, out of the street, eating well, fixing boo-boos - it’s nice to be able to just let them have their way with something that is cheap, safe, and no skin off our noses. The goodwill can be priceless!
Kathleen Benckendorf Aug 25, 2011
My adopted daughter for years made up other names she wanted to be called. I “got” the concepts of shame and not liking who she was, and even some conscious compartmentalizing of parts of her personality (not a real personality split), and wanting to be someone else, but the association of name and stress is probably quite applicable to her situation. Thanks!
Kathleen